Close to the
front it was difficult to find food, so one would expect important officials to
bring their own rations. Reichsführer-SS Heinrich Himmler forgot this rule,
with hilarious consequences.
From ‘Walter
Schellenberg: The Memoirs of Hitler's Spymaster’,
p75-76
On these tours we usually started out
for the front at nine or ten in the morning, and would return to the train
towards nightfall. We had to supply our own provisions—sandwiches, thermos
flasks of hot tea, and cognac to fortify us against the increasingly cold
weather. As the SS adjutants were already overburdened with other duties, it
was my job to secure these provisions. One day we returned so early that a lot
of our food and drink had hardly been touched. The next day we were called out
early and the thermos flasks were not ready. I only had time to take what was
left over from the previous day—a bottle of cognac, half-full, and two packets
of sandwiches, which I had placed near a window, hoping they would remain fresh
overnight. After driving for about two hours in the open car, Himmler asked for
something to eat, so Gruppenfuehrer Wolff took a packet of sandwiches from me
and they both began to eat. They had already got through the first packet when
they happened to look at the second. The rest of the sandwiches were all
covered with green mould. Himmler's face grew even greener as he tried
desperately not to be sick. I quickly offered him some cognac—usually he did
not drink; at the most two or three glasses of table wine—but he took a deep
gulp and then, as he recovered, fixed me with a steely glance. I was prepared
for the worst. 'I notice you ate none of the sandwiches yourself.' I hastened
to explain, but there was a terrible look in his eyes as he thanked me for
restoring his life with the cognac after having tried to poison him.
Another rule
should be to visit the bathroom before going on a long trip. Even the mighty
Stalin forgot this rule and paid the price!
From ‘Stalin: The Court of the Red Tsar’, p466
Stalin cut
off the briefing, contenting himself with giving some orders, then dismissed
the generals who had to slog back to the real fray. Stalin asked if he could go
further towards the fighting but Beria forbade him. He visited the hospital at
Yukono, according to his bodyguards, and was depressed by so many amputees.
Afterwards, he felt ill and his arthritis played up. Stalin returned by road in
his armoured Packard and a convoy of security cars. Suddenly the cars stopped.
'He needed to defecate,' wrote Mikoyan, who heard the story from someone who
was there. Stalin got out of the car and asked 'whether the bushes along the
roadside were mined. Of course no one could give such a guarantee ... Then the
Supreme Commander-in-Chief pulled down his trousers in everyone's presence.' In
a metaphorical commentary on his treatment of the Soviet people, and his
performance as military commander, he 'shamed himself in front of his generals
and officers ... and did his business right there on the road.'
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